


can't stand losing you

by pseudocordelia



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Attempted Suicide, Freeform, Immortality, M/M, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2019-07-29 12:02:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16263803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudocordelia/pseuds/pseudocordelia
Summary: Niles was cursed to wander the earth eternally.Owain was blessed to live again.





	1. Anankos

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that I have absolutely no idea where this is going to end up. Tags will be updated as this goes, and the rating may change.  
> If you notice any spelling or grammar mistakes, please point them out in the comments!

Long ago, before anyone bothered to write stuff down, dragons ruled the lands. They forged the world and brought life to it, they carved the paths rivers would follow, they built mountains as monuments of their power.

Eventually, they got bored and decided to hand it over to humans, but continued to live among them for millennia. Ever so slowly, they went mad.

Anankos blessed the world with death, water and silence. Niles used to think that they weren’t all blessings. Gods, was he wrong. 

 

-

 

Anankos had gone insane. It was only a matter of time. He was killing innocents and destroying his kingdom.

That wasn’t good at all. 

Nohr and Hoshido put a pause on their war; and took up arms together. (Did anyone remember how that started, anyway?) Niles, being a retainer to Leo, had to fight. He thought they were all going to die; but he thought it happened to everyone eventually.

(Gods, was he wrong.)

He wasn’t afraid of dying. He had been willing to die at Lord Leo’s command for over a decade.

He was afraid of never seeing Odin or Leo again. 

 

-

 

He and Odin had shared a tent for years. Nohr didn’t have enough money for food, let alone individual tents for the military. Something blossomed between them. 

 

Niles definitely liked Odin. He was funny, even if he didn’t mean to be. He had this certain charm to him; he was always optimistic. The mark on his arm was particularly fascinating as well. He was also a good kisser, even if Niles had no idea when their friendship became more than that.

 

They had spent hundreds of nights together, and it just so happened that sometimes, they had to comfort each other.

Some nights Odin would wake up crying about dreams of a destroyed homeland and a mother he never had dying protecting him. He would sob into Niles’ arms and talk about how real it felt; how it felt like it had actually happened - but it couldn’t have happened. Odin was from a small village in Nohr, and his mother was alive and well. Niles would hold him, and kiss his forehead, and tell him everything would be alright, and offerto sleep beside him. He would tell him he was beautiful, that his homeland was safe, that he was safe, his mother was safe. Odin would always sleep better after.

Some nights Niles would feel lonely, and have difficulty falling asleep. Thoughts of the past would swarm his head; thoughts of how worthless he was, how terrible a person he was. Odin holding him, Odin kissing him, bought him back to reality. It was always easier to sleep with Odin beside him.

But that was all they had done together. Even if Niles talked about all the lewd, perverted things he’d like to do to Odin, he never did do them, because Odin never said he wanted to. He’d try to say something cool and dramatic to change the topic at hand. Niles always phrased his suggestions as flirtish jokes, and not as sincere desires. They had slept together many times, but they hadn’t  _ slept _ together. 

 

The night before their attack on Anankos was planned, Odin asked Niles to “deflower” him.

Of course Niles agreed; even if the way Odin said it made him let out a small chuckle. He had wanted to for a long time - and he could die tomorrow. 

That night, Niles did a lot of things he had wanted to do for a long time. He said a lot of things he had wanted to say for a long time.

 

-

 

What happened last night made seeing Odin’s head clawed off even worse. The way his blood spurted out, the way he screamed, it was terrible. 

Niles knew people were going to die - he was ready to die. He wasn’t ready for this. He didn’t remember the last time he cried.

He spat at the feet of this so-called “god”. He didn’t expect its strange, revolving eye to stare back at him - he was just one soldier among the thousands attempting to stop Anankos. It felt as if it was staring right into his very being. It was terrifying; the way it moved was beyond description for Niles. Its voice reverbed across his head; it was so very deep, yet somehow legible. 

 

**“Yᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀɴ ᴜɴɢʀᴀᴛᴇғᴜʟ ᴄʜɪʟᴅ.”**

Niles had so much he wanted to say - he wanted to scream. How could this creature call itself a God; and humanity its children? How could it kill its own “children”? 

“You’re a poor excuse for a God.” Niles wanted to shout; but it came out as a barely audible whisper. He could barely speak. He was so angry. 

**_“_ ** **Hᴏᴡ ᴅᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴇɴᴏᴜɴᴄᴇ ɪ, ᴡʜᴏ ғᴏʀɢᴇᴅ ᴛʜɪs ʟᴀɴᴅ, ᴡʜᴏ ʙʟᴇssᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴋɪɴᴅ. Yᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴜɴᴡᴏʀᴛʜʏ. Yᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴜɴᴅᴇsᴇʀᴠɪɴɢ ᴏғ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ.”**

What happened next went by in a blink of an eye. He saw red, then black. 


	2. Leo  Ⅰ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is supposed to go on.

Everything was wonderful. Odin was wonderful; their daughters were wonderful. Life was wonderful. 

...except for the mark, or whatever it was, on his husband’s arm. It didn’t look real. Everytime he looked at it, it seemed to change. It was TV static; it was a blur; it was a void. When he asked, Odin looked confused, he would ask what on earth he was talking about. Nobody else seemed to comment on it; or even give it a second look. 

Everything was wonderful, except for  _ that _ . Niles tried his best to ignore it. Yet he always seemed to see it. When Odin threw his arms around him, when Odin took his shirt off, when Odin turned around to look at him; he saw it. It stood out blindingly; like a rose among thorns, a sore thumb, a blot on the landscape. 

Now that he thought about it; why did he marry a man with  _ that _ ? Odin made him laugh; Odin made him smile. Odin was the only person who could make him embarrassed. Odin was beautiful. Except whatever was happening on his arm was incomprehensible; it didn’t look real, looking at it made his head hurt. The more he thought about it, the worse it was.

He didn’t remember their wedding day. He didn’t remember deciding to have children; he didn’t remember when Ophelia was born.

He didn’t remember anything from before they were married. He didn’t remember anything from before they had Ophelia and Nina. Nothing felt real.   
  
All of a sudden; Niles felt enlightened. He remembered the kingdom of Nohr, he remembered lord Leo, he remembered Anankos.

 

He remembered Odin getting beheaded.

 

It wasn’t real. Odin was dead.

Niles opened his eye to the inside of Nohrian army aid station. (...it took him a moment to realise it was his eye; not his eyes.)

He felt a tear roll down his cheek. 

 

-

 

...a cleric approached him. Niles had no idea how much time had passed since he woke up. He didn’t have the will to speak. He just let time pass as he was alone with his thoughts. 

He wasn’t really listening to what she said, but he was passively taking in the information. 

He had been in a coma for a week. Anankos had been sealed at the bottom of the bottomless canyon. King Xander and Prince Takumi had died in the battle. Considering he was awake, he would be transported back to castle Krakenburg to work for Leo again soon.

The cleric didn’t bother to tell him that almost half of his face had been disfigured; that his right eye had been torn out. He couldn’t feel half of his face. Obviously he could feel the bandages covering it with his hands, and a distant burning-like pain. He didn’t realise the extent of his injury until he was looking in the mirror of his (...and Odin’s) quarters of Krakenburg. 

Half of his face was covered by white cloth bandages. He couldn’t see himself. 

He wasn’t sure he wanted to. Especially after he saw the look on Lord Leo’s face as a maid changed his bandages.

(Although her ice magic numbing his face was nice.)

 

-

 

Life was bland after he came back. It was repetitive. His only duties were escorting Lord Leo and doing mundane errands. 

It was exactly like this before the war began. He just had someone to accompany him.

 

He used to think of this castle as home, yet it feel so forlorn. He had wanted this. To have a peaceful life after the war; to have barely any work to do. He wanted to idle away his days. That was before Odin was gone. Before Leo had to take on more responsibilities due to Xander’s death.

Outside of the meetings, or about Niles’ duties, they didn’t seem to talk. Niles wanted to comfort Leo, to talk to him like they used to. But they were both hurting.

He wondered if Odin would be happy if they had swapped places. Would Odin still be able to smile? Would he be able to make Lord Leo smile?

 

-

 

When it came time for his bandages to be changed yet again, all the maids were busy for some reason or another. And so Niles ended up on a stool in Lady Elise’s quarters.

 

He envied the way she could still smile; the way she still had some pep in her step.

“You know, you and big brother used to get along sooo well.” (She didn’t have to specify she was talking about Leo now.) “Why don’t you talk to him more? Both of you would be so much more happy!” 

The way she could still act so innocent, despite being there healing the wounded when  _ that _ happened, despite looking at Niles’ leftovers of a face as she said it, was amazing. She had so much willpower. 

Niles made up his mind. “I’ll take you up on that offer.”

“Yay!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any and all criticism is widely appreciated <3


	3. Leo II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for graphic depiction of suicide.  
> If you are feeling suicidal, please seek professional help.

Niles hadn’t gone to Leo’s room for non-business purposes in a while. He was scared to knock; but if he didn’t, things would stay the same.

“Come in.”

He looked confused to see Niles standing in the doorframe empty-handed; almost scornful. “What is it, Niles?”

“Can’t I visit to just talk to you, milord?”

Leo let out a disgruntled sigh. “You know I’m busy. Another time.”

“Leo, you’ve been busy for the past month.” 

He let out another sigh. “Fine. Let’s sit down and have a  _ quick  _ cup of tea.”

 

-

 

By some miracle the maids took a century to bring the tea - so there was more time to talk. Except Niles hadn’t thought this far. What were they meant to talk about? He didn’t want to say anything too rude; he felt as if he was walking on thin ice.

“Lord Leo, I’m sorry,” was all he could think to say.

“Sorry? For what?” Leo’s face crumpled up. “None of this is your fault. Don’t pity me.”

“M-milord, it’s the contrary. I don’t pity you. You’ve been working so hard in the face of such an awful event. It’s admirable, but you need to take a break.”

“Admirable? Niles, I don’t think you understand.” His voice was creaking; as if he was falling apart. He was looking towards the ground. “I do this to  _ distract _ myself from what happened, not in spite of it!”

 

Niles’ mouth was agape. He didn’t know what to say. For a minute or so, there was silence

And then a clumsy maid stumbled in.

 

“S-sorry this took so long!” Felicia stuttered. “I made some earlier but then I tripped and everything broke, so I made some more and then I tripped again and um…” 

Niles and Leo were still silent. “Um… this is awkward! I’ll be going now.” 

 

“Leo. I’m sorry.”

“I told you not to pity me.”

“Your sist- Elise thought it’d be a good idea for us to talk. I want nothing more than your happiness - I’ve just been struggling with…  Odin. But if I can lessen your burden at a-”

“Struggling? He was just your fellow workmate! I lost my brother. Everything seems to have changed.

I lost Takumi too. And I regret it...”

Niles did notice Prince Takumi and his Lord Leo becoming friends, but he feels stupid for not noticing Leo felt something further. Leo was still looking at the floor. His expression looked more angry than sad.

“I was too much of a pathetic coward to tell him how I felt and now he’s gone. And Xander’s gone too now, I wasn’t strong enough. And now we need to prepare for Camilla to be queen, and she doesn’t even want to be queen. She thinks I should be king! I despise this all...”

Niles didn’t know what to say. He just let Leo cry.

Sometimes you need to cry.

 

-

 

That “quick” cup of tea stretched into the evening. Leo had calmed down. Niles had tried his best to comfort him; except he felt the need to get something off his chest.

“I think you should know. Odin and I were…” What were they?

They did say they liked each other. They definitely were more than friends. They never talked about being boyfriends. Niles thinking about it just makes him sadder. “Together.” Silence dawned again.

“I suppose I should thank you for telling me.” 

 

-

 

Life slowly went back to normal. Slowly, Niles was thinking less about the past. Slowly, he and Leo became the friends they were before the war. Nohr and Hoshido slowly recovered from the war. Under Camilla’s rule, people slowly came out of poverty.

Everything slowly got better.

 

Except for Felicia’s tea. On her best days, it was slightly good. Today, it was terrible. Neither Niles or Leo would admit it; but not drinking it would be rude. So they slowly sipped on it while making small talk.

It had became a once or twice a week occasion, the two of them meeting to speak like this. Niles believed that without him butting him, Leo would overwork himself to death.

(One time Elise walked in. She was “super duper happy!” to see the two of them being “best buddies” again. 

Her happy nature made her an extremely popular youth rep. She very much lightened up political conversations whilst also having something to say; and she seemed to make sure Camilla was alright. Even if Leo seemed annoyed with her comments then; Niles was sure deep down he was proud of her.)

Yet in this talk Leo said something that Niles didn’t know the answer to. “Do you think it’s worse to lose someone you loved after telling them, or to lose someone you love without telling them?   
It was a very rare occasion for Niles to keep his mouth shut.

“I’m sorry for asking.”

 

Slowly, life began to go by fast.

 

-

 

He hadn’t realised a decade had nearly passed until Leo pointed it out to him. There was going to be a banquet between the two royal families in Izumo to celebrate the defeat of Anankos.

Not much had changed for Niles after Camilla’s coronation; except for the length of his hair. And he supposed he had made a few new friends - the braid currently in his hair was done by Elise. 

Niles didn’t realise how serious that was.

“Things seem to go fast when you’re up to no good.”

“Niles…” Leo exhaled. “Haven’t you noticed?”

“What, milord?”

“Have you not looked at yourself at all? You look exactly the same as you did back then. Doesn’t it concern you in the slightest?”

(He hadn’t looked at himself. He didn’t want to feed his curiosity about his eye; and he had done just fine avoiding mirrors up until this point.)

“I suppose I didn’t notice.” 

Leo let out a disappointed groan. “Do you have any idea why?”

(Was Niles just supposed to straight up say he spat on a God?)

“This is going to sound a bit far fetched…”

“Niles, you’ve told me plenty of ridiculous stories.”

“I told Anankos to stick it up hi- I disrespected Anankos and was told I wasn’t worthy of his blessings. I thought nothing of it at the time.”

 

(Niles wondered if he regretted his decision then. Anankos had taken away one of the two people he genuinely “loved”; of course he wanted to tell him how he felt. But because of that, he might not ever see Odin in whatever comes after death.

He can’t exactly know if he can die until he dies, though.)

 

“Niles, don’t you want help? Medicine is changing, and I have access to the best sorcerers in Nohr. I’m sure we can find something.”

 

(Why would he not want to look young forever? Why would he be deserving of help in the first place?)

 

“I’d rather stay in the shadows.”

If the public found out of a man who supposedly couldn’t die, who supposedly didn’t age, Gods only know how much uproar there’d be. Niles just wanted to live the rest of his days quietly; in the shadows, protecting Leo.

Leo seemed somewhat irritated from Niles’ response. That was the only time they talked about it. Niles wondered if Leo had actually talked about his curse to any mages or apothecaries.

He didn’t find out the answer; because like people were supposed to, Leo died.

Things had gone by fast. Niles barely noticed that Camilla was old enough to retire her throne, and how old her children had gotten. He didn’t think Felicia had been serving the castle very long when she left to go back to her tribe. He didn’t notice how Leo was getting frailer; how Elise was slowly becoming less cheerful. Every anniversary felt like a surprise. Was time even real? What was the point, when nothing lasted forever?

What was he living for now, anyway…? What did he accomplish after Odin perished? Leo was gone now. Elise was sick. Camilla was bedridden. The other royal retainers were already gone, or nearly there. He couldn’t do anything; he was powerless, useless.

Niles decided to get things over and done with. He barely even took time to mourn Leo.  He couldn’t know if he was capable of dying until he did.

He felt powerless trying. When he kicked the chair behind him, he was trying to break his neck.

That’s what you’re meant to do when you hang yourself, he had heard. So that it’s quicker; so that you die instantly.

But now he was just slowly suffocating. Everything was going blurry. And then he saw black.

 

-

 

This time there was no dream in between. Niles jolted awake to see a familiar man with blond spiky hair reapplying his bandages. It took awhile to hit him.

“Odin!?”

“Oh, you’ve awoken from your slumber!?” He even talked like him. Niles was so happy. 

It was him. It had to be him. 

“I do not know of this Odin you speak of, but I am the legendary hero Owain! I have been assigned the gracious task of nursing you back to health.”

(...It was just another cruel reminder that Odin got his head torn off by a dragon 5 decades ago. Fifty years later, Niles hadn’t forgotten...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering who Camilla had children with, she has like 8 bitches and just adopted kids when she felt like it.  
> If King Garon can have 2 wives and 3 concubines, Camilla can have 69 girlfriends and boyfriends.


	4. Owain I

“So, fair hero, what is your name?” This ‘Owain’ asked, after disposing of the bandages he just removed.  

Niles felt strange re-introducing himself. Perhaps the similarities were just a coincidence; this was a completely different man. “...Niles.”

(He must have kept himself in the shadows so much that nobody could identify him.)

Owain seemed bewildered for a second; confused. Then he pulled a ridiculous but charming pose. “Ah, yes, Niles… a man worthy of living! Although I’m sure you believed your actions were worth it at the time, we the shepherds exist solely to make people’s lives worth living. Even if life may be hard, please…”

He rambled on about the organisation’s history and other nonsense; using the same ridiculous language Odin would.

This place was once a large estate owned by a noble family. The younger son and daughter had given it up as a place to shelter others after their elder sister tragically died with the help of Princess Elise. Apparently, that brother and sister were Owain’s uncle and mother.

There was no mention of Niles having any form of injury. His neck must’ve been completely fine, somehow. And it’d be rude to ask about his face, probably.

Niles most definitely regretted his decision now; he didn’t want to be in a madhouse, or whatever the “Shepherd”’s called this place. He’d rather be free to do what he pleased.

(Even if Niles thought he’d hate being here, he understood why it was needed.

After the war, people were sad. Their loved ones had died, children had been orphaned, farms and villages had been destroyed. The late Princess Elise had supported many endeavours to help her people mentally, not just physically; to stop the people of Nohr killing themselves. Except that made Niles wonder…)

“So, Owain…” he interrupted, “do you think life is worth living forever?”

“Life is a glorious adventure, with so much to have experience! There is no point in ending it early.”

“But do you think not dying at all would be worth it? Living forever, to suffer?”

“Immortality? Why, that’s merely fiction, is it not!?”

“Amuse me.”

“Well, you’d never have to worry about time running out, would you? You’d be free to adventure for as long as your heart desired, with minimal concern.”

“Other people’s lives run out.”

Owain stared at Niles silently. Then there was a shout from the other room.

“Coming, mother!” Owain turned his head to the side, only to quickly turn his eyes back to Niles. “An interesting proposition… I desire to continue talking to you in the future but alas, duty calls! Feel free to do what you wish. Also, the restroom is on the left side of the hallway! We’re here for you if you need anything. Farewell.”

With that speech, he then turned around and power-walked out of the door awkwardly.

 

-

 

And so Niles did as he wished; which was to look at the stars. He knew they would still be there. The guardian of the Shepherd’s estate was particularly charming, too.  
  
Perhaps it was good that he ended up here, and not on the floor of the slum he hung himself in.

How long had he been there anyway? He should’ve suffocated, but he didn’t. And nothing seemed to be damaged either, he just had rope burn on his neck.

If he couldn’t die, perhaps he could do the things others died trying to do. (And then maybe those things could somehow kill him.) Nohrians were still dying in mining or building accidents. Then again, he couldn’t exactly explain his situation to anyone.

He pondered what to do with his life.

(Or maybe he could try something other than hanging next time.)

He hadn’t noticed Owain coming to sit down next to him. “I thought about our conversation earlier, Niles.”

Niles turned his head. “And…?”

“I think I want to write about it! The idea of someone witnessing centuries of history, having knowledge lost to the trials of time… it fascinates me!”

“I suppose I’d like to read your take on it.” Niles thought perhaps it would help him obtain a more optimistic perspective.

“Really!?” Owain’s face glowed. “I’m honoured. I really like writing stories. The only person I’ve shown them to is my mother, and well… she says they’re good but she’s, uh, my mother. I also really want to show them to my friend Cynthia but I think she’d blab and I don’t want _everyone_ to know. What I’m writing now is about children retaking a land destroyed by a chaotic, lustful dragon… but the only way they can kill that dragon for good is if one their comrades sacrifices themselves.”

“So do they?” (Niles liked hearing this guy ramble. It felt nostalgic.)

“Well, you’ll have to read it to sate that curiosity!” He smirked. “Honestly though, I’m not too sure about how to… the idea came to me from these dreams I have. Visions, almost! They always end before the dragon is slain, though…”

“Interesting...”

(The two continued idle chat throughout that night. Niles hadn’t laughed and smiled the way he did that night in a long time.)

 

-

 

Owain had been showing Niles his notebook on a very regular occasion. It was nice to hear him talk about this world in his mind, to see his drawings of hooded figures and dragons with thousands of eyes.

It just felt oddly familiar. He remembered snooping into Odin’s notebooks, and seeing extremely similar images. Yet if this was Odin in the body of Owain, how come he recollected fighting dragons, but didn’t remember him?

(He also saw half-written love letters and sketches of them holding hands.)

 

-

 

Owain had awfully vivid dreams.

His uncle dying at the hands of a lightning spell; he and Lucina fighting masked, zombie-like creatures. Humans turning into rabbits the size of bears.

And his mother dying in front of him.

Somehow he would wake up crying. He knew she was just down the hallway, though.

In those dreams they called him Owain.

He had other dreams where he was called Odin.

He was serving a prince. He remembered fighting shadowy, almost transparent, ghost-like soldiers, and talks of how their god had gone mad. He remember _someone_ else a lot more than the actual fighting, though.

His hair was white and curled at the edges. He loved to see the nape of his neck on the rare occasion he tied up his hair. He loved the feeling of his hands calloused from years of archery. His skin was dark and beautiful. He acted cruel on the outside but when they were alone he could be genuinely sweet.

He was a good kisser. He was great at teasing him. When Owain woke up, he never remembered the man’s name. (He would also have a bit of a problem in his trousers.)

 

-

 

He had read stories about reincarnation. As much as he liked to play pretend, he was sure it was just fiction. There was nothing to prove it was real.

But at the same time there was nothing to prove it wasn’t real. His dreams made him doubt himself.

He also didn’t believe the rumour a maid who used to work at Krakenburg began telling. Apparently, a man there did not age, and only had half a face.

Then he had a man who had attempted to hang himself in the slums of Nohr placed under his case.

...half of what he had been told was true. And he looked like the man of his dreams (literally. He wanted to tell Niles that he had had dreams involving someone identical to him, barring the facial injury, except how was he supposed to? Telling someone you have dreams of kissing them into the night without sounding creepy was a difficult task, even for the legendary swordsman Owain.)

Owain felt a sense of duty. He used a staff on the burns on this man’s neck, he freshened up his bandages and disinfected his wound - daily.

Half his face was a mangled mess of flesh and dried blood. Owain thought it was fascinating; even beautiful.

He was the only patient Owain checked in on every evening. He wanted to tuck him into bed.

Once he awoke and they talked, Owain felt a bit more convinced about the other half of the rumour. This Niles spoke about immortality as if he knew about it.

 

If that maid’s strange story was real, perhaps his dreams were too. (Except if Niles was immortal… would he be willing to date mortals like Owain? Owain felt ashamed for having such thoughts about someone in his care.)

As he sat in the garden pondering these thoughts, (he was kind of hoping Niles would show up), remembered the flower fortunes Cynthia had told him about.

It couldn’t hurt to try. He simply plucked one and began tearing off the petals.

_It’s real, it’s not real, it’s real, it’s not real…_

“What are you doing there, my dear Owain?”

Owain jolted for a second. He hadn’t noticed Niles approaching him from behind, and he forgot if he was up to _it’s real_ or _it’s not_.

“An arcane ritual to reveal the truth!” he declared, putting on a dramatic, narrative voice. “And you just interrupted it!”

“A flower fortune…? How childish.” Niles sat beside Owain after letting out a scoff. “It just depends on how many petals the flower has; it’s not divine guidance.”

“Yet if you don’t count it, and leave it up to fate, don’t you think it could mean something? Surely there must be some strings interconnecting this vast universe!”

“Really?” Niles picked the flower close to him, and began tearing the petals off. He was feeling like teasing Owain. “Owain loves me, Owain loves me not, Owain loves me, Owain loves me not…..”

He trailed off until there was one petal left. “Ah, so the vast universe has told me you love me. I’m flattered.”

He didn’t think it would embarrass Owain that much. Niles just wanted to see him blush because it reminded him of Odin.

“W-well, the universe, uhh… may not be wrong! Fate works in mysterious ways and uhh,” Owain was stuttering. His hand was covering his face. “it is calling upon me! I must leave to do uhh… stuff! Very important arcane ritual stuff! Now!”

He nearly tripped as he stood up, and then quickly stumbled out of sight.

Niles wouldn’t show it the way Owain just had, but he too was panicking. It was mostly a joke. He couldn't betray Odin. At the same time, he had a lot of pent-up lust and desire for physical intimacy.

And Owain was too young, right? But Niles was still twenty-one, technically, too.

 

What would Odin want for him? They never did break up, after all.

Did he even genuinely like Owain? Or was he just using him as a second Odin?

Was there any point in pursuing a relation with a mortal man?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm wondering: do you prefer shorter more frequent updates or longer less frequent updates? Feel free to comment with just one word.  
> I'm going to try my best to update at least once a month. (No promises, though!)
> 
> Also I love all your comments. <3


	5. Owain II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You'll come back though, won't you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if my language is repetitive. Owain just needs to blush a lot.  
> And sorry if it's lazy to pull a direct line from one of my other fics. I just really like that line :p

Deep into that evening, Owain visited Niles’ room - to check on him, and maybe tuck him in.

That’s when he heard it again. Niles let out a barely audible whisper.

 

“Odin.”

 

-

 

Odin had déjà vu quite often. 

He could’ve sworn he had known Selena and Laslow a lot longer. And he used to accidentally call Selena Severa; he had no idea where that came from.

One time he thought to himself, after Laslow talked to him about Saizo, that Laslow must’ve had a thing for redheads in masks.

He couldn’t think of any redheads in masks other than Saizo.

He thought Faceless looked a lot like Risen. Except, what were Risen? 

When he heard about Anankos, he thought he had prepared to fight a dragon in the past. When?

It was weird. And the mark on his arm… he remembered a woman who looked a lot like Lucina with the same mark in her eye. And a version of his uncle with the same mark on his shoulder. In this reality, only he had the mark, and it wasn’t on his arm like it was in his dreams.

He wondered why he had these memories; and why almost every night he dreamt about them.

 

-

 

Not too long ago, in a land far across the sea from Nohr, lived a boy named Owain. 

He was born into a world already at war. A group of fanatics called the Grima faithful aimed to bring back a dragon that would consume everything. For as long as he was alive, his entire family and all the adults he knew were fighting to stop that from happening.

He was learning how to fight with a sword to stop it from happening. He never really got to be a child; his parents died before he even reached the age of thirteen.

He learnt to babble to himself to forget the bleakness of the world. He, Cynthia and Morgan formed the Justice Cabal - an organisation to bring justice to the world.

It was no more than a group where they played pretend.

He had also joined the Shepherds; a group that was meant to defend the halidom of Ylisse. His elder cousin Lucina was the leader.

It was once an actual army, with funding from an actual kingdom. Now Ylisse was as good as anarchy. The throne was empty as all the royal children were fighting. And the shepherds was barely an excuse for defense. It was just a ragtag group of its member’s children, and the dwindling few who had managed to survive. 

Noire’s mother seemed to have survived through sheer spite. Severa was lucky enough to have both parents left; but still whined about how her mother was putting everything on the line for a dead man’s wish of peace. Her father seemed to want the war to end because there was way less candy being made than there used to be. (...Severa also seemed to feel guilty that she hadn’t experienced what everyone else had. She would be the last to admit it, though.)

The shepherds used to be ran by Lucina’s father - his uncle. Owain didn’t remember him. He was murdered by Morgan’s father when Owain was a mere child. 

They all trusted Morgan. She was not just Robin’s daughter. She was Inigo’s sister, Olivia was her mother. Even if her father had become possessed by Grima, Morgan was still sane.

They all trusted Morgan. Why would they trust Inigo, but not her? They were both still faithful to Ylisse.

Nobody took notice of the mark on Morgan’s hand until Naga told them.

Morgan would have to die in order for Grima to be gone forever. Morgan was a suitable vessel. There was a risk that Morgan could  _ become _ Grima.

They all agreed that they wanted Morgan to live. She was their friend, after all. And Laslow’s only family left.

Grima had been defeated in the past. And if they could defeat Grima today, people could defeat Grima in the future.

That was where Odin’s, and the future Owain’s dreams would end - before the day they fought Grima.

 

Cordelia, Gaius and Tharja had gone forward first.

They wanted to carve a future for their children.

 

And as the remaining shepherds fought the seemingly endless rounds of Risen, waiting for Grima to be slain, Severa got frustrated and ran off to fight Grima herself. “They’re taking too long!” she had said to explain herself. Owain was pretty sure she was just worried for her parents. Even in this life-or-death situation, she wasn’t expressing how she really felt.

Then they heard screams - and soon after bloodied pegasus came to them, as if it was trying to warn them.

Lucina went the way it had came from. 

Everyone else followed - to protect her. There were Risen everywhere. If the crown princess were to die, so would the morale of Ylisse’s people.

Owain tried his best not to think as his sword clashed with that of a Risen. He tried to only look at the enemy in front of him. 

And then he stood on something. He had to look down.

_ Oh Gods. _

It was Severa. He had just stepped on Severa’s head. The rest of her body wasn’t there. This was the bleak reality.

He wasn’t a hero on a valiant quest with an uncontrollable swordhand. He was just a mortal man. Those were his last thoughts before a Risen attacked him from behind. The last thing he saw was Inigo running towards him.

...and there was something behind Inigo as well. 

Lucina did not look behind her. She gripped her sword tightly as she stood in front of the beast. It was huge; and looking right at her.

Without hesitation, she plunged Falchion into one of its eyes. 

...the war was finally over. The Risen slowly began to fall.

Now everyone needed a proper burial. She had noticed Gaius, Cordelia and Tharja had died to the dragon’s breath. (There were probably a few more, considering the amount of Risen.) 

She didn’t notice Morgan beside her. 

“Hey, Lucina, we finally did it,” she was smiling, holding a tome in one arm and a sword in another. “Make sure Laslow and Owain get real funerals, alright?”

“Of course, Morgan. Why do you even need to tell me?”

Morgan let out a chuckle. “Well, you see,” she held her sword to her chest. “I don’t think I’ll be able to be there. I don’t want to end up like my father.”

Blood splattered onto Lucina’s armour.

 

-

 

Naga shed tears for her children. 

Tharja had died fighting for her daughter, even if she knew Grima was once her love. Gaius and Cordelia had died fighting for their daughter, knowing all too well they would very likely died.

They deserved to live again.

 

Severa had died running to protect her parents. Owain had died thinking of his friend. Inigo had died trying to stop his friend from being attacked from behind.

They deserved to live again.

 

Naga decided to give them another chance. They had died fighting for their country, for a brighter future for the world. They had died fighting a monster made from her blood. 

She wanted them to walk the Earth again.

 

-

 

“Niles, do you believe in reincarnation?” Odin asked one night, as they peacefully lay beside each other in their tent.

“How on Earth would that work? People die everyday, but not the same amount are born.”

“There could be, uh, a waiting list!”

“A waiting list… for life?” Niles looked as if he was trying not to laugh.

“Yes! People waiting to be given another chance to prove themselves worthy to the Gods, in order to make it to the higher form of life.”

“I think that’d be unfair,” Niles was frowning. “Some people want nothing more in life than death, and to have that taken away from them is just terrible..”

“Niles…” Owain slowly put his hand towards his face, and tucked his hair behind his hair. At this point in time, he still wasn’t too confident about touching Niles. “You don’t want that anymore, right…? Because I, uh, like you a lot... ” (He said it plain and simple without theatrics because he wanted Niles to know.)

“Of course not”, Niles smiled at Owain. “I have you.”

 

-

 

“Niles, do you believe in reincarnation?” Owain asked the morning following the flower-fortune incident. Neither of them talked about it, so things seemed to be just fine. 

“No.”

“Oh…” Owain sighed; he was hoping to get a yes. “Well you see… almost every night, I have these dreams, with… a figure that resembles you.”

“That’s nothing special. Who wouldn’t dream of me?”

Owain finished pinning Niles’ bandages in place, and turned around so he could see Niles’ face. He wish he could have when he said the things he did earlier.

“I had them before I acquainted you, though. And you, if that is the figure in my dreams… call me Odin.”

Niles seemed to be thinking. “How can I know this isn’t just coincidence? Besides… I called you Odin when I first woke here. You could be trying to trick me.” He still had trust issues, despite the fact those thieves had abandoned him over half a century ago.

“I suppose it could be a coincidence... but it’s not a ruse. The man I see in my dreams, though, his face…” Owain didn’t know how to say it nicely. “He has two eyes.”

Niles didn’t seem offended. “I wasn’t born like this, you realize?”

“It’d be uncourteous of me to just ask.”

“...I want to ask you a few things as well - but I can’t bring myself to.” Niles was usually quite unabashed; except he couldn’t ask Owain to get naked. He probably could if it was for lewd purposes; but it wasn’t. He wanted to see if Owain had the mark Odin had. Then he could believe that this man was Odin.

He didn’t know how to describe the mark, though… it was like a teardrop in some type of flask.

“Why don’t you? I’m sure asking questions can help us forge bonds!”

Niles then smirked. He had an idea.

“How about we take a bath together to help us  _ forge bonds _ ?”

 

-

 

Niles thought it would be hard to scan Owain’s body without making things awkward. And then he saw Owain take his shirt off. (He was trying to look like he wasn’t watching on purpose.)

The mark was right there - in the middle of his chest. 

That was one question answered. Niles, undressed as well and entered the water.

It was warm, perhaps even relaxing. He was sitting on the opposite side of Owain. 

The shepherd’s estate had quite a large bathhouse. It was about the size of the one in Castle Krakenburg. Niles felt at ease as he watched the steam go up.

“Do you enjoy bathing, Niles? I find it quite splendid… this place is great to ponder life’s mysteries.”

Owain was covering his face with one hand. It did seem to be one of his signature poses, but Niles wondered if it was a way to hide where he was looking. 

“It relaxes the muscles and relieves tension… I suppose I do,” Niles smiled. Shared bathes also gave an opportunity for some nice views. “What do you ponder, though?”

“I ponder the meaning of our existence… whether or not the Gods are still present. And  what happens once this life ends.”

“I’m pondering… have you always had that mark on your chest?”

Owain blushed a bit. Had Niles been looking at his chest? He kind of wanted to bring up the flower fortunes again. For now, he’d just act ‘cool’. “Yes! Isn’t it fascinating? I feel as if it’s a mark to show I’m chosen for something!”

“Maybe you are…” Niles moved just a slight bit closer to Owain. “I’ve been thinking… you haven’t told me what this Niles in your dreams does.” His voice sounded a bit suggestive.

Owain wasn’t sure what to say. Most of his dreams were  _ embarrassing _ .

 

“Well, you and I work for an honourable prince, whose country that has been at war with its neighbour for as long as time could tell… however, an ancient dragon is actually behind it all, and we end up preparing to defeat it. I always wake up before we do, whilst in the middle of battle. The furthest the dreams go is the dragon’s claws coming towards me.”

 

Niles frowned. It did sound as if these dreams were him reliving Odin’s life… but none of this information was something only he and Odin knew. And Owain hadn’t mentioned any of their nightly affairs. 

It couldn’t be a coincidence though, considering the mark - but did he remember their ‘romance’, if that is what you could call it?

 

“Do you remember the name of this dragon? Or the prince?”

“Unfortunately not… When I wake, the names are but a mere blur. I don’t even know if that man was called Niles.”

Niles wanted to tell him that that was most definitely him; but then he would have to explain why he still looked the same. Or what happened to his face. 

And if Owain did remember their ‘nightly affairs’, that would make things awkward.

 

-

 

Niles told himself he didn’t believe in flower fortunes - but here he was doing ‘an arcane ritual to reveal the truth’ anyway, only two nights after he had told Owain it just depended on how many petals the flower had.

He supposed he couldn’t count the petals just by looking at the flower.

 

_ Odin would like me to move on to someone else, Odin would not like to move on to someone else, Odin would like me to, Odin would not like me too… _

 

He repeated those words in his head until there were no petals left.  _ Odin would like me to _ .

 

-

 

The following morning, after Owain changed Niles’ bandages, he asked him to stay.

 

“What is it you desire, my humble companion Niles?” 

“Tell me something only Odin would know,” Niles didn’t smirk or jitter. He looked at Owain with an honest expression.

Owain thought - and he could only think of one awfully embarrassing thing. He thought to himself,  _ a true hero does not hesitate!  _ \- and decided to tell Niles what he thought of.

He was blushing again.

“On the night before the grand battle against the ancient dragon,” he said, trying not to stutter. “I asked the figure that resembles you… to  _ deflower  _ me. And he said, ‘ _ Why, I’d be honoured’. _ ”

“Oh Gods,” Niles definitely remembered saying that - he remembered that night bittersweetly. Hearing his nonsense repeated to him was just a bit embarrassing, though. “Odin… Odin, it is you, isn’t it? I’ve missed you.”

For once, Owain didn’t know what to say.

So this was actually the man of his dreams.

“Owain, remember that flower fortune?” He was smiling, but his eyes looked teary at the same time. “I like you too. I just, didn’t want to betray Odin… but you must be Odin. Remember asking about reincarnation?”

“But Niles…” this whole conversation was going really fast. Owain (or was he Odin?) didn’t know what to say. “aren’t you immortal? I remember a maid telling me a tale of a man with half a face who didn’t age… that’s you, isn’t it?”

Niles simply nodded.

“Like all men, I too must perish one day… are you prepared for that?”

“You’ll come back though, won’t you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear your opinions on the bit with Lucina, Morgan, Severa, Tharja and co. !  
> Next chapter will have Nina.
> 
> (By the way; I just want you to know I think Owain would believe in mothman and love cryptids.)


	6. Nina I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  “Does that mean I get your first kiss for the second time as well?”

Niles vividly remembered everything he had experienced with Odin.

Owain barely remembered the things he had experienced as Odin. They felt like a blur. 

And that made things awkward - for Owain, at least.

 

That night, after they had becomes lovers for the _second_ time, they sat in the gardens together and Owain talked about his story to a happy-listening Niles. That wasn’t anything unusual.   
Then Niles, _(awfully_ _casually),_ put his hand on Owain’s.

 

Owain had never held hands with anyone before! Well he  _ had _ held hands before, but that was with his mother when they went into town so he wouldn’t get lost. That was different. He hadn’t romantically held hands before. He was trying his best not to stutter as he talked about the quest to gain the legendary weapon “Missiletainn”,  to not look away from Niles’ face; and there he was just smugly smiling at him. 

His embarrassment felt vaguely nostalgic. If he took  a moment to think, he’d realise he had held hands before. The reality was, he had held hands with Niles so many times that it was beyond counting. 

-

Niles held his hand again the day after that. It was even worse this time - they were almost in public. They were walking to the nearby township as Owain’s mother wanted him to buy a goat. (Niles had to come too. He hadn’t been in public for quite the while… and the occasion was something he could call “a date” in order to make Owain blush.)

This idea of physical affection made him want to say something. But in his dreams they did these things and… more.

“Niles.”

He turned his head. “Yes, my dear?”

“Do you think we could, erm, moderate our pace?”

“We’re already walking slow.” Niles was actually genuinely confused, and not trying to make a joke by pretending to not understand. Owain thought it was the opposite, and sighed.

“I’m not speaking of the way we walk, Niles!”

Niles fell silent for a second in though, before letting out an “oh”, and letting go of Owain’s hand.

“Really, I was thinking the opposite… we’ve done it all before. I wanted to take things faster. We could get married, and run away to live in the woods, have a few children...” he was smiling in a way that made it hard to tell how serious he was. “We could buy some goats to live off of.”

“Niles, you might have done it all before, but I am yet to experience these things! I am Odin Dark, but I am my own person too, am I not? You may remember things that to I are only fleeting fragments of dreams…”

The crunch of leaves sounded. Niles had stopped in his tracks. “I never thought of that. Are you Odin Dark? Or is he merely… a ‘fragment’ of you?”

Owain hadn’t really thought about it either. “I suppose that…” (that wasn’t a cool enough way of putting it, was it?) “I believe that I am the legendary hero  _ Odin Dark _ ! But our memories and experiences are not one the same… I have memories of Odin Dark’s heroic adventures, but I did not experience them! Up until yesterday, I only remembered holding hands with you - I only  _ experienced _ it for the first time! Does that place us on the same wavelength?”

Yet again, Niles’ smugly grinned. “Does that mean I get your first kiss for the  _ second _ time as well?”

Owain looked as if he was going to explode from embarrassment. 

It took them a long time to buy that goat.

 

-

 

The two of them were simply enjoying each other’s company, watching the cloud’s go by. They sat side by side, hand’s in one anothers.   
It remained like that for quite a bit. They enjoyed a peaceful, tranquil silence., until Niles spoke. 

“Hey, Owain?”

“...yes?”

“Remember how you said you wanted to ‘moderate our pace’?”

(They had. Niles seemed happy just to be by Owain’s side, and Owain was a bit hesitant. His mother, or Cynthia, or Lucina, or someone worse, could be around the corner, for all he knew. And it was a bit hard to explain their relationship, considering Niles was whatever he was.

All they had done was held hands - and Niles did get Owain’s first kiss for the  _ second  _ time.

He was saying “good night”. Niles, with a smug grin, asked for a good night kiss.

Owain, face aflush, nodded and kissed him on the forehead.

After that, Niles put his hands on both of Owain’s cheeks and, somewhat aggressively, put their lips together.

He passionately held onto Owain - it was much more just a peck him on the lips. It was over after a few seconds, and Owain quickly left after telling Niles to sleep well.

His face was hot. Nobody had ever touched him like that outside of his dreams.

Niles had put his tongue in his mouth and everything. Owain was sweating. He felt dizzy.

He had left because he wanted more.)

 

“Of course I do. It wasn’t too long ago.”

  
“I was thinking… I’d rather do the opposite.”

“...and what exactly are the implications of the opposite?” Owain’s expression was a bit downcast. He almost knew that what Niles was going to say would be embarrassing at the least.

“I want to be able to do things I never did with Odin with you as soon as imaginable. Who knows how long I’ll have to wait for you to come back again once the inevitable happens?” Despite the subject of his words being that of Owain’s fate as a mortal, Niles was smiling smugly. “Before that, I want to get rid of my past regrets. We never got to marry or have children, or even go on a proper date. I was serious when I said we could run away to live in the woods,”

He paused for a bit, and then casually asked while looking Owain right in the eyes; “do you want to elope?”

“Elope!?” Owain yelled without thinking.

“It means to run away and get married.”

“I am no fool!” He was a bit insulted; was Niles saying that to just to be funny, or did he actually think Owain didn’t know the meaning of the word!? “I am just… astounded by your implications! This dwelling has been my home for this entire existence. I can’t simply leave!”

Niles put on a comical frown. “So you don’t want to marry me? I’m heartbroken...” 

 

“I do! I mean… erm,” (Gods damn it. Niles had just cornered him into saying he wanted to  _ marry _ him.) “As much as I would love to leave with you, I have a family and duties. An honour to protect. Do we truly have to run away?”

“Well, I don’t think I can stay here for too long,” Niles sighed. “I am a freak of nature. There seems to be no other like me in this world. As much as I like a challenge, I feel as if people will want to take advantage of my so-called ‘curse’... we can’t exactly get married the regular way. The certificate would be proof that somehow I’m still alive.”

“Niles…” Owain thought for a few moments. He hadn’t made too many promises to his family, had he?  “I can tell my family I’m going soul-searching. Then, we can adventure off into the woods… build ourselves a glorious fort. And,” he averted his eyes - the way Niles looked at him made his heart go faster, “we can do what you said. We can get married!”

Owain did his signature post - his hand in front of his face. “As I said earlier - I am no fool! This is a compromise. We can live alone together, with nothing but ourselves and nature! But I’ll still be able to return here!”

“You really can think of something other than silly names when you put your mind to it, huh?” Niles looked genuinely happy. That made Owain happy - although he didn’t completely appreciate the teasing.

“What do you mean!? I bestow great names onto many great things!”

“Mentioning names,” Niles inched in closer to Owain. “you said we can do what I said, right? So, having children...”

“I-I meant about getting married! It seems to have slipped your mind that we are both men, Niles!”

Niles seemed confused. “Don’t you remember that conversation? You do still study magic, right?”

“What is that supposed to mean!?”

“Oh, when we were fighting for Nohr… one night, as we talked about what to do after the war,” he smirked, “you said we could have children. And using magic, it would be possible for  _ you _ to carry them.”

 

Owain was shocked speechless. Had he really said  _ that _ !? He had so many questions… and that was ignoring whether or not Niles’ children would be affected by the curse.

“Anyway, I like the name Nina for a girl… what about you?”

Oh well. It was nice to just talk about the future without any worries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're still enjoying this.  
> Because a lot of my original plans for this fic have kind of gone out the window.


	7. Nina II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been 2 months since i posted the last chapter; thank you for your patience, and happy new year!

Niles had been regularly leaving during the day time. It was “proof of progress” for his “rehabilitation”.

He always came back with bruised hands. 

“Niles,” Owain sighed; sitting at Niles’ bedside. “do you ever ponder if your actions are…. unnecessary?” 

“Of course I do. But what’s the point? I have… a lot of time to waste. And I want to spend it with you.”  
“This place was made by the wishes of my aunt. As a refuge… for those who cannot live in regular society. My family; I believe they would appreciate your presence,” Owain smiled and put his hand in front of his face; he wanted to look charismatic or something of the sort. “Although I don’t mind your plans… why don’t you reconsider?”

“What do you propose I do after that?”  
“What are you implying…?”

Niles was silent for a few seconds - and his silence was a rarity when Owain was around. “When you… leave. I won’t want to stay here. Life is…. dull without you.” Niles avoided eye contact. He didn’t awfully like being sincere. “Who’s to say this charity will remain? Our home I’m building… I won’t let it fall. I want you a place for us to come back to.”

Owain was unsure as to what to say. Niles was being honest; not trickling profanities into his speech or even smirking. 

“I… am Odin Dark. If you could achieve immortality…. who is to say I could not!? Then we could stay together for as long as we wished.”  
“You…. don’t want that. It’s not an achievement. Besides…” He frowned; but it soon disappeared. He instead flashed a smile at Owain. “you love adventure, don’t you? This change can just be another challenge for the legendary Owain.”

-

Niles told Owain it was ready. Their home was ready. One problem remained.

Owain was an awful liar.  
He had already decided to lie; he was just debating with himself as to whether or not he’d do it to his mother’s face. 

He sat at his desk; and then retrieved a pen and paper.  
And then he did nothing. He couldn’t decide what to do.

“Owain, I got you some water,” Lissa opened the door and walked towards his desk. “Hmm? Are you writing another story?”

“Thank you, and not exactly....” he looked up at his mother. “May I ask you a peculiar question?"

“Of course!” she let out a small giggle.  
“What made you decide to marry father?”

“Hm… it just felt right?” she looked deep in thought for a moment. Only a moment, though, before she gasped.  
“Don’t tell me, you found a girl!? What’s she like. Is she pretty!?”  
“Uhh… you’re half right?”(he wasn’t too sure what to say.)  
“When can I meet her!?”  
“What if I told you we were running away together?”  
Lissa pouted. “I mean, I can’t stop you… but come back, alright?”

(Sometimes Owain worried his mother was too easygoing.  
He wondered if Niles would ever let him make their relation public.)

-

After a long walk through the forest, Niles guided Owain to a clearing.  
There were several holes in the ground, and a few tree stumps. An axe and shovel were right next to one.

And behind that, a house some would call “shabby.”  
The exterior was entirely wooden, and the brownish-red brick chimney stood out starkly. The windows were simply holes. 

“Do you like it?”

To say the least, it was very different to the house Owain grew up in - and much smaller as well. But none of that mattered.

“Of course!” he exclaimed

“By the way, something slipped my mind. I only bought one bed.” (It hadn’t slipped his mind at all. He just didn’t want to spend extra gold on something he hoped Owain didn’t want.) “Is that alright?”

Owain blushed. What would they be doing in that bed…? He was moving in with Niles, but they still hadn’t done anything… in this life, anyway.

“Y-yeah! It definitely is, my dear Niles.” Owain did his classic pose to hide the look on his face.  
Niles chuckled, and went towards the door. He pulled a key from his hood and unlocked it. 

“Well, come on in,” he held the door open.  
Owain quickly approached Niles - only to pause. There was a carving on the door; and it was deeper than necessary. The wood around it was splintering. 

It was the shape of his birthmark. 

“Why exactly did you do that?”  
“Hmm?” Niles looked a bit confused until he realised what Owain meant. “It’s important. It’s how I realised you were…. you.”  
(Owain appreciated that he said “you” instead of “Odin”.)

“I remember caressing that mark on your own. The next… you… I’m sure you’ll have the same mark. I want you to find this place. You had those dreams. And I’m not sure how I’d go about finding you.”  
“I’ll try my best!? Owain Dark doesn’t accept failure.”  
“How can you fail when you mightn’t even remember to find me? Besides… you mightn’t come back again…”  
“Uhh…” Owain didn’t know what to say. “May the gods bless me with the knowledge of you?”

Niles sighed. “You have been ‘blessed’ with the knowledge of me already. It’s the next you I’m worried about.”

“Sorry.” (it wasn’t very often Owain said that with no frivolities. Niles felt bad for making Owain frown like that.)

“There’s no need to be!” Niles flashed a grin at Owain. “We’ve got a few decades! And with this you, your mark gives me an excuse to touch your breasts...”  
“Niles!”

-

Life would be bland - if it weren’t for Owain. It was a bit repetitive, though. Niles had duties; he tended to their small farm and went hunting.

Yet when he came home, Owain was there. Owain would use magic to light the fireplace and cool their water. He even tried a fertility spell on their crops once. (They were dead the next day.)  
But he was trying his best to help. 

He talked to Niles about all sorts of things; about the stories he was writing, the magic he was studying. He’d ask Niles about what he had done as Odin, who Leo was, and how his day had gone. They’d go into town once a week to buy spices, books, new arrows and anything that caught their eye.

Owain even tried cooking dinner every once a while, and was slowly improving. 

It was the closest thing to a “perfect life” Niles had ever had. It was just like the quiet life he and Odin dreamed of for after the war.

-

“Hey, Owain?” Owain looked up from his book - Niles’ hair was wet. He had just finished washing himself in the nearby river - and so, his face was exposed. “I’m going hunting. Can you bandage me, please?” 

“Of course, my dear!” He quickly stood up and hurriedly opened the drawer where they kept medicines and the like. “Uhh… Niles?”

“Yes?”

“Unfortunately, it appears we have ran out.”

Niles sighed. “Can you go into town and get some more? …Please?

“Can we go into town, Niles? Your company is… favourable.” (And Owain was worried he’d do something foolish. If Niles wasn't’ there, who would get him out of trouble?)

Another sigh. Niles didn’t want to admit to his vulnerabilities. “I can’t. Not like this.” 

“You can, Niles!” Owain smiled - even if he didn't have that much confidence himself, he wanted to encourage Niles. “You just don’t want to. Why do you let this hold you back? If death cannot stop you, why should anything?”

(Niles just glared.)

“Um… Uh…” Owain fumbled with his words. He didn’t want to overstep, yet at the same time he truly believed Niles didn’t need to hide his face. “Niles, that wound no longer bleeds, and it doesn’t pain you, correct?”

“Correct.” 

Owain, suddenly, took his shirt off and put his hands on his chest. Niles’ frown loosened just a little. 

“This mark… it’s how you knew it was me. Your face… can’t your scars become a part of you? In the future, when we meet again, your scars can show me that you’re… you.” Owain looked down to hide his blush. “Besides, you’re beautiful in spite of that. If anything, you’re more beautiful because of that. It adds to your charmingness. It shows what you’ve been through.”

“Owain?”  
He looked up.  
“Did I ever tell you how you… how Odin died?”  
“No, you have not told me.”  
“Sit down, first.”  
(...and so they did.)

 

“The day after you asked me to deflower you, we went to fight Anankos.”  
“I do not recall any events after that night.”  
“Heh, I vividly remember that night,” Niles smirked - although he was feeling somber, thinking of that night made him happy. (Especially now when he considered he had “deflowered” Owain for the second time soon after they moved in together.)

“But anyway,” Niles’ expression darkened. “That day, I witnessed Anankos rip your head off.”  
Owain’s face didn’t change. He just attentively listened to how he had died without comment. “Then… I spat on Anankos and called him a bastard or something. It doesn’t really matter. He said I was undeserving of death. I remember claws coming towards me… and then I woke up in a hospital tent. Almost half my face was gone. I hate to admit this, but these scars are a reminder of my failures. I failed to even try to protect you. And then I went and got cursed by an ancient god…”

Owain was silent for a few seconds.  
“To me… that isn’t a failure. You liked me so much you called a God a bastard! You had enough courage to insult Anankos! That’s truly a brave feat.”  
“I suppose you’re not wrong,” Niles sighed.  
“You shouldn’t be ashamed, Niles! Why don’t you show your face to this world?”

Niles kept his mouth shut. Owain frowned a little. “You have that mark because of your bravery, not because of a failure! And, I like it.”  
“I suppose I’ve never minded dirty-looks… maybe I will go into town with you, face bare.”  
“Thank you, Niles.”  
“Wait a minute… why do you like it?”  
“You liked me so much! You liked me so much you spat on an all-powerful ancient dragon god!”

Niles’ face was a mix of disgust and bewilderment. “What on Earth, Owain?”

“I’m sorry!” Owain exclaimed before going on like a school-girl. ‘It’s a childish request, but can you say you like me? I knew I was important to you, but not so important you’d disrespect gods. You barely tell me how you feel, it’s somewhat disappointing… you like me, right!?”

Niles sighed for what seemed to be umpteenth time today. He stood up to grab his bow and arrow from beside the front door.  
“Niles, tell me already!”

Niles opened the door, and before storming off into the woods to go hunting, looked back at Owain and said;  
“We’ve lived together for over a month! Of course I like you, you fool! And even if you didn’t experience it, I told Odin that enough times as well!”

Admitting to his vulnerabilities was difficult enough for Niles; straightly admitting his feelings was another challenge altogether. He hadn’t admitted to “liking” someone for over half a century.

Even if he was kind of admitting it to the same person again.

-

Owain felt giddy - to think that he had received a confession of love from his destined one. He wanted to write something - something romantic. 

He thought about a tale of a man with amnesia washing upon the shore who falls in love with his caretaker. Yet, his rescuer feels awful for not wanting him to remember his past… 

Owain quickly went to the study in their room’s corner.

(Their house was quite simple, actually; it was only one room. Their bed sat in one corner, Owain’s study and bookshelf in another. Their drawers sat besides the study, and Niles kept his hunting gear by the front door.  
Their fireplace was in between the bed and study, and they had two chairs surrounding a small wooden table where they would eat. Their food was prepared on that table or over the fireplace. There was a fair amount of empty space, though.

The front door led into the surrounding woods; the back door led towards a shaded area of the river, for them to wash themselves.  
Needless to mention, there was a hole dug there as well… for other purposes.)

Owain opened the drawer in which he kept his pen and inkpot; only to notice that it was almost empty.  
It would probably be a good idea to go into town whilst the sun was still up to fetch more ink. He had just about enough to write a note telling Niles where he had gone.  
And even if they wouldn’t use them for Niles’ face anymore, it wouldn’t hurt to have bandages just in case.

-

The night after Owain mentioned “running away” to his mother, there was a fairly large pouch of coins on his bedside table.

Niles had insisted that they didn’t need to use it yet; that Owain could use his money. He had saved decades worth of pay from his time working for Leo.

But this time, he was going into town alone. Niles most likely wouldn’t question whose money had been spent.

And it was well spent, too; inkpots were cheaper than he expected, so as well as bandages Owain bought some “fresh Valentian oranges!” as the shopkeeper yelled. 

As his hands were full with the basket of oranges, he placed his coin pouch into his pocket and went on his way home.

Owain thought to himself that it was more crowded than usual - and as he did, someone from the crowd bumped into him. An orange tumbled from the basket.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, sir,” the young girl bent down and placed the orange back. She appeared no older than sixteen; her blonde hair was tied into pigtail braids. 

“I-it’s alright! I found myself lost in thoughts anyway…”  
“Say,” the girl smirked, “are you from around here?”  
“Why, yes?”  
“Have a moment to spare?”  
“I’m already engaging in conversation, am I not?” Owain tried his best to not look confused. This was only a young girl, after all.  
“Would you know anything about the unaging man with half a face? Let’s just say… I’m a journalist.”  
Owain didn’t know how to reply. Wasn’t this girl a bit young to be a journalist in the first place?  
“No, no I do not! And now that I think about it, I do have business to attend to. Fare thee well!” Owain blurted out, and began speed walking awkwardly before the girl could get a word in 

-

“Niles? Are you there?”  
“Yeah, wait a sec.”  
The door was soon opened. Niles smiled at Owain. “So, what do you want first? Dinner? A bath? Or…” he suddenly went quiet and looked up.  
“Who is that girl in a tree behind you?”


	8. Nina III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no update. i promise i will finish this, though.

“Niles? Are you there?”  
“Yeah, wait a sec.”  
The door was soon opened. Niles smiled at Owain. “So, what do you want first? Dinner? A bath? Or…” he suddenly went quiet and looked up.  
“Who is that girl in a tree behind you?”

-

“Who is that girl in a tree behind you?”  
Only then did Owain think to look over his shoulder. 

The girl was visually shocked with those words. There was a loud rustling of leaves as she jumped down and ran off. 

Niles looked unimpressed. Before Owain could even answer his question, Niles had his hands in Owain’s pants. It wasn’t in the nice-feeling way, either.

“She took all your money. How much did you have on you?”  
(Owain hadn’t counted in the first place. He should’ve gone into town with Niles - this wouldn’t have happened were he there. )  
“Ah, worry not, for I spent all of it!” Owain wanted to change the subject. That girl did what a younger Niles would’ve, he thought. She was still a child. “I spent all of it on these delicious oranges! Which are filling my hands! May you please do the honours opening the door!?”

 

Niles sighed, but did so anyway. “Are you sure she didn’t steal anything? Because, Owain, sweetie… your mind does slip sometimes.”

“And are you not one to overthink the trivial?”  
“Fair point,” he rolled his eyes, “but I know how a thief thinks. You only follow someone if you know they’re worth stealing from.”

“Even if she were stealing, who are you to judge her?”  
Niles scoffed. “I’ve changed.”  
“I know that... Yet, you were lucky enough to have a Lord Leo, were you not?” (Was it even alright for Owain to talk like that about someone he technically didn’t know? He knew him; albeit vaguely, he remembered him fondly. Yet he had never actually met him.) 

“What are you hinting at?”  
“You’ve got all the time the world has to offer. You can bring salvation to those who need it! You can offer charity to others misplaced amongst this society.” Owain smiled up at Niles. “You can be someone’s Lord Leo!”

“Hmm….” Niles looked deep in thought. “Maybe you’re right.”  
He had told Owain he no longer wanted to die. Now his life just needed a purpose other than Owain.  
He didn’t really want to think about his life before Odin and Leo; or what he’d do once this Owain was gone. Yet if he were to try and help those who with unlucky childhoods like him, he would have to expose himself.  
He was afraid of what people would think of him; yet he would be the last to admit it. All things were meant to die.  
He didn’t want to really think about it.  
“I’ll start dinner,” he sighed.

-

Niles couldn’t go back to sleep that night. The idea of helping someone weighed down on his mind.

He didn’t exactly remember his life on the streets. It was a blur - he remembered being scared and hungry. He remembered nearly getting killed for stealing food; onlookers gazing at him as if he were scum. He remembered people dying of hunger, ribs visible through skin.

He remembered bodies surrounded by flies.

Yet after that blur, he remembered Lord Leo’s outstretched hand clearly. He remembered begging for death. 

He remembered that there would’ve been so many children given what he begged for; so many children who never got a home. 

Nohr had slowly improved after the war - but there were still children dying on the streets; orphaned or abandoned. 

If he could prevent just one death, he would be happy with himself.

-

Niles wanted to give Owain a present; so he had gone into town.

He liked spoiling Owain in general, but this time he wanted to thank him; for giving him another thing to live for.

He just wasn’t too sure what to get.  
In the past, when Owain was Odin, the gifts Niles gave him all seemed to be received with equal fanfare. 

When he had given Odin flowers, they would remain on display in their bedroom even after they had completely wilted. When he had given Odin books, he seemed to have read them several times over, and he told Niles all about them. When he gave Odin weapons, he gave them the utmost ridiculous names, and he maintained them almost religiously.

No matter what he gave to Odin, he always seemed to love it. Niles found it adorable - yet he couldn’t differentiate which gifts Odin had liked more. 

Therefore, today he was going to take his time. He wanted to let Owain sleep in, and it felt nice to feel the fresh air on his face.

-

He asked a florist what her flowers meant, and felt unsatisfied. The meanings all sounded… generic. He did feel “love” and “passion” for Owain; but those words alone barely measured the full extent of how Niles felt. 

Yet after that, he couldn’t help but feel jewelry, gemstones or other trinkets could describe his feelings as well as flowers. Was it even necessary for it to have meaning? He thought back to his gifts in the past…

Somehow he ended up in a tight alleyway, behind the shops, hidden away from the bustle of villagers going about their daily business. 

Odin seemed to have liked it in the past when his gifts had stories behind them. When shopping in Windmire, there were so many hidden places one could not find without directions… Niles hoped to stumble upon a hidden gem. 

This wasn’t windmire, though. This was a small village, where he supposed there was little to no need to hide… there was no need for him to wander this quiet alleyway, but fate has a way with things. 

He heard a sudden, loud, slapping sound behind him. A young girl fell against the wall, a piece of bread fell out of her hands. It was the girl from the tree. A man stomped into the alleyway after her.

He slapped her.

“Fucking rat! That'd better be the last time you steal from me, or else-”

Niles didn't think before he acted; he simply jumped in between the two, acting as a meatshield. 

"What are you doing?" he looked at Niles with disgust; as if he wasn't human.

Niles decided to say the first excuse that came to mind. "I am so sorry about my child's actions, sir." The lie came smoothly off his tongue, and he remained poker-faced. "Allow me to compensate you. This will never happen again."

He dropped coins at the man's feet, grabbed the girl's hand, and ran.

-

"Never steal again," was the first thing Niles said once they were in the safety of the public view.

It went right over her head. "I've never had a dad before, you know! This is perfect, hee hee..."  
He sighed. "That was just an excuse to save you from that b…"  
"But you wouldn't do that without a motive, right!?"  
"I just don't want anymore children on the streets dying, alright?"  
"Yeah! So you should be my dad. Besides..." she looked up at Niles; where his eye wasn't, to be specific.  
She smiled. 

“I’m cursed too, you know.”


End file.
